Effects of Divorce On Children and Parents
    Records show marriages have been taking place since the earliest recorded history. Evidence of elaborate ceremonies joining couples together are present all over the world. Couples have been joined in a legal contract, for a number of reasons: religious, arraigned marriages, kinship bonds, pool resources, children, and romantic love. When a marriage is successful, there are many benefits for the couple, a shared mutual trust and respect for one another. When the marriage is not working and there is a break down in communication, common goal or trust, many times this will result in a divorce. A divorce can be a painful process, even more so if children are involved.
    Divorce is often believed to be final when the judge declares the two divorced. It is, in fact, a legal dissolvement of the marriage contract. Divorce occurs in stages and must be accepted emotionally and the couple must go through a grieving process, (grieving the relationship) even if the divorce is wanted by both parties.
    Studies show mothers initiate most divorces, usually after a long time of agonising over the decision. The decision to divorce often leaves the mother feeling guilty for what she is going to put her children through. This guilt may stem from religious beliefs - not always of religious roots and society's attitude that divorce is a personal failure. The reasons for divorce are as numerous as the reasons for marriage.
    For the divorcing parents, usually one year after is the "low point." Many parents will find divorce has changed more things in their lives than first anticipated. These changes and adjustments will take longer and be more upsetting than expected.
    Most people experience three stages of adjustment after a divorce. In the initial stage of the marital disruption, all things are changing, people are unsure of the future. This can last a few months or up to a year or two. This stage of divorce is the most painful. The second stage is referred to as the transitional period which occurs after the break-up "settles down". Parents try out new lifestyle and reorganise their lives. Many changes for parents and children take place during this stage. During the third stage, parents and children feel a renewed sense of stability. Parents have formed new relationships and stable patterns of visitation and custody. The children feel more secure because they are living in a stable environment.
    The national divorce rate is 4.6, according to a compilation of new data released by the Family Research Council. In 1994, 4.6 of every 1,000 Americans divorced. Currently, divorce laws in almost every state give greater legal rights to spouses who want to end the marriage than to spouses who want to try to work out their marital problems. According to FRC's 1995 Family Issues Survey, 55 percent of the American public want to see these laws modified to offer greater protection to spouses interested in saving the marriage.
    The divorce rate has quadrupled from 4.3 million in 1970 to 18.3 million in 1996. 14% of white women who married in the 1940s eventually divorced. A single generation later, almost 50 percent of those that married in the late sixties and early seventies have already divorced. Between 1970 and 1992, the proportion of babies born outside of marriage leaped from 11% to 30%. And this situation is observed all over the world and considered to be of major importance, especially in Islamic countries.
    A separation or divorce will inevitably have a profound effect upon children, and sometimes it can even be devastating to them. The good news is that divorce needn't leave long-lasting psychological scars, and a lot depends on how you handle things. Take heart in knowing that you can make an enormous difference in how the children fare.
    Children commonly will react to parents separating or divorcing by developing signs of distress, or symptoms, and it is normal for them to do so. Here are some to look for, or to recognise when they occur.
    Pre-schoolers may react by becoming increasingly clingy or fearful about separation times, when dropping them off at school or day-care, and also at bedtime. Changes in their normal eating or sleeping patterns are often a sign that a child is experiencing distress. They also sometimes have increased tantrums, or may cry more easily than usual. Regressive behaviour like thumb sucking or talking baby talk again is also common. Bed wetting is also a common sign of distress, and may be an expression of anxiety or anger. Children sometimes "somatize" or develop physical complaints, like headaches or stomach aches. Adults should be careful however, not to readily dismiss these symptoms as "purely emotional reactions", and if physical symptoms are persistent or severe, they should always be checked out by the child's paediatrician. Children in this age group experience feelings of anger, sadness and anxiety. Boys become noisier, angry and more restless. They tend to sit alone and won't play well with friends and often they disrupt group activities. Girls are angry too - but usually try to become "little adults". Girls are concerned with good behaviour and being neat. They may lecture others or scold them as if a parent or teacher. Both boys and girls cry more and become more demanding. At this age, they may regress and act younger than their age. They may resume behaviours previously outgrown, such as bedwetting, thumb sucking, needing a special blanket and may experience nightmares.
    School-age children may exhibit some of the same signs as younger children, but may also display more overt signs of anger, worry or sadness. Others may act like "they don't care" and put on an air of cool indifference, while some kids will blatantly deny that their parents are divorcing. ............